FULL DISLOSURE: I published this book and wrote one of the stories in it & the introduction. However, this book is notable, aside from my own motives for selling it, because it contains the last story that is ever going to be published by David W. Dutton, of One of the Madding Crowd fame. David was my friend, and a wonderful writer, and has recently left us. It also contains a short story by noted Goodreads reviewer, Jeffrey D. Keeten. Did you know Keeten could do fiction too? You did not! Any Anne Rice fans? Then you may be interested to know that in this book is a story by Faye Perozich, noted for this work. If you read comics, then you’ll be interested in the story by graphic novelist David Yurkovich (of Altercations and Less Than Heroes). And if you follow horror magazine Samsara, then you will already be a fan of R. David Fulcher. So, my own involvement aside, this book has a lot of plums hidden in it. I bet you’ll love it, and with it’s square shape and glossy cover, it makes a great gift for that brother-in-law who you never know what present he would like. Give him a cool horror book!
This is one thing I would improve in my life, if I could.
Which is stupid to say because, of course I could.
But I just can’t! WAAAAAAaaaaaaaaah!
I mean, seriously, what to have for dinner?
Maybe you know what you’re having… tonight, you ol’ smarty you. But what about tomorrow night? Or the night after that?
I gotcha, don’t I?
It’s the “night after night.”
We actually have a friend, single guy, eats fast food every night of the week that he is on his own. I know it’s not a healthy way to live, and he is not in great shape, but, I get it. Zero thought.
I don’t mind cooking.
I just don’t want to have to have the thought.
Usually, my day starts with a wild run out the door to work, and my under-sung husband is wonderful enough to provide me with a half an egg sandwich (I only want 1/2) and coffee.
Six hours later I am home. When I walk in the door hubs is working, child is in her school a few blocks away, and I need desperately to pee and eat.
Cue two guinea pigs three cats and one dog to all squeal, meow, howl, and whine to be fed, walked, and watered all at the same time.
Finally, I get a chance to eat (pee first!) and I usually throw a packet of tuna on top of some lettuce. Then, some days, on Zoom ’till 5 or later, or grading papers, and pick up child at school. I tend to get hungry, shockers, a third time, and so do the other non-pet people who live with me, but we want to eat now! And no one has had an idea of what t cook yet.
Dinner. It’s so… extra.
One thing I have treated myself to, now that I am back to work, I order my groceries online. I go and pick them up at the grocery store, but that it, about 30 minutes in the car vs. 30 + an hour or more to do the shopping. I hate grocery shopping. At the closest crappy option for groceries, Food Lion, this luxury, of having another human load the cart and the bags for me, costs me $1.59. That’s the service fee. The groceries cost the same, plus a buck 59 to do the shopping. Honey I am worth it!
Yes, I tip the shopper.
I also buy less when I shop this way, and tend to plan what I am going to cook a bit more (a tiny bit). They say some writers are planners and some are pantsers. As a cook and a writer, I am a pantser.
What about you?
What’s for dinner tonight????
PS. Tonight, Dad and daughter are having leftover enchiladas I made last night. I am eating leftover oatmeal! It’s sad.
12 years ago today we (Dave and I) received our first photo or our teeny beany.
Being a mom is pretty great, and I owe it all to her.
My daughter is such a nice person, genuinely kind, easy-going, funny as hell. I love her. She’s great! And I doubt I have anything to do with it.
I know a mom or two who are lovely people, kind, sociable, etc., and their children are people who I can only describe as the people I least want to be stranded on a island with.
And then I know one or two moms who are awful, whiny, self-aggrandizing, and their kids are lovely people, smart, calm, engaging.
So, I mean, it can’t have anything to do with the parents, right?
One young lady I know is so funny, and her parents are as humorous as a tax audit.
How does this happen?
Of course, in our case, Dave is an artist, and so is our daughter. I am ridiculously humorous, just ask anyone who doesn’t read my blog, and so is my daughter. And both Dave and I are as kind and wonderful as the day is long, so I guess in our case it’s nurture over nature.
I know my own parents have affected me more than I ever realized when I was a child, and I do wonder about those adults I know who seem to together, and yet their children are constantly losing it. Maybe Mom and Dad are losing it when no one is around?
Love to hear your thoughts on this one.
Happy Monday!
Today I am lucky because the wonderful writer James Goodridge is going to speak to my creative writing class!
Okay, so, obviously, something about the ABOVE photo says “[A] holiday [sales] season [] [of] record-breaking success.” to the people at Mailchimp.
So, what about that photo says that.
Let’s see… clearly David Byrne just got off work, which for him is a video shoot or a tour. I like the new color in his hair. It works for him, especially with the suit, and I wonder if he is doing a new video where he is a po-mo Santa. I think that must be it.
And he’s just chillin’ on his little Japanese-esque patio, as you do when you finish your po-mo-santa video, and this lovely saleswoman shows up.
“Sit down dearie,” he says, as if he was his own grandma, and pours the unexpected door-to-door saleswoman a cup of tea, and he pours it into orange teacups that do not match the teapot, though, cleverly, they match the book that is close to the saleswoman at the end of the table.
And she does sit down, and whips out her iPad, and begins to try selling David Byrne….
A patio Roomba? That was my first thought.
I don’t know, the photo on the iPad looks as if it may be a close-up of something small, and then like a room photo behind it, like You can use this item in this room. Like, This Roomba will work great on your patio. It is the amazing Lanai Roomba. It hoovers up pineapple bits and small lizards with ease. You need it. It is available in avocado gold and tiki turquoise.
And then there’s something about the patio they’re sitting on. I mean it is pretty open to the elements, big open ends, and also pretty surrounded with books and plants, and those will be a mess when a wind whips up, and, you know, I see Byrne as more of a Roomba than a broom person, purely for the techno aspects of the Roomba. I don’t think he’d be “above” brooming, or what the masses, and probably you, call sweeping; I just think he’d be really down with the funky funky Roomba. Plus, Roomba’s are super-pricey (not that I have priced one. I am happy to broom; I don’t lust after a time-saving mother’s helper Roomba very much), and Byrne could hook that high price up, for sure. He has been very successful.
Byrne can afford a Roomba because of the Talking Heads, and I love the Talking Heads, and I need to check if I have done a long-song post on them yet. They have a few songs that deserve to be a half hour or more. Nice little ditties one could happily broom too.
In the meantime, look at that Mailchimp photo up there at the top. LOOK AT IT! (Just kidding. I’m calm now.) And now, help me, what is the super-helpful holiday sale thing I am missing in that photo? Is it that somebody should send David Byrne one of Devil’s Party Press’ books? OMG! Who knows David Byrne? Send him a book!!! One of our books would look great on that table! WAIT! Is that our book on that table? Is that orange book Halloween Party 2019?
Did I mention that I teach part-time at a few colleges, so, basically, full-time hours and then some for not full-time money? And did I mention that in between teaching those classes and grading those classes and prepping those classes I hang out with my family and work on DPP and its books and that, on the weekends, my husband and I spend like 12 hours a day at the kitchen table working on DPP? So, you know, late, it’s late Saturday night, and I am punchy now. And crunchy. And getting maskne from being back in the classroom, dammit.
So, tell me the sales secret in that Mailchimp photo above. What do you see? Help me figure out the secret to taking DPP to the level where we have offices, with employees, and Roombas!
And someone! Send David Byrne a book! Maybe the one with the swear in the title or Oh! oh! the scary one!
