Okay, so, obviously, something about the ABOVE photo says “[A] holiday [sales] season [] [of] record-breaking success.” to the people at Mailchimp.

So, what about that photo says that.

Let’s see… clearly David Byrne just got off work, which for him is a video shoot or a tour. I like the new color in his hair. It works for him, especially with the suit, and I wonder if he is doing a new video where he is a po-mo Santa. I think that must be it.

And he’s just chillin’ on his little Japanese-esque patio, as you do when you finish your po-mo-santa video, and this lovely saleswoman shows up.

“Sit down dearie,” he says, as if he was his own grandma, and pours the unexpected door-to-door saleswoman a cup of tea, and he pours it into orange teacups that do not match the teapot, though, cleverly, they match the book that is close to the saleswoman at the end of the table.

And she does sit down, and whips out her iPad, and begins to try selling David Byrne….

A patio Roomba? That was my first thought.

I don’t know, the photo on the iPad looks as if it may be a close-up of something small, and then like a room photo behind it, like You can use this item in this room. Like, This Roomba will work great on your patio. It is the amazing Lanai Roomba. It hoovers up pineapple bits and small lizards with ease. You need it. It is available in avocado gold and tiki turquoise.

And then there’s something about the patio they’re sitting on. I mean it is pretty open to the elements, big open ends, and also pretty surrounded with books and plants, and those will be a mess when a wind whips up, and, you know, I see Byrne as more of a Roomba than a broom person, purely for the techno aspects of the Roomba. I don’t think he’d be “above” brooming, or what the masses, and probably you, call sweeping; I just think he’d be really down with the funky funky Roomba. Plus, Roomba’s are super-pricey (not that I have priced one. I am happy to broom; I don’t lust after a time-saving mother’s helper Roomba very much), and Byrne could hook that high price up, for sure. He has been very successful.

Byrne can afford a Roomba because of the Talking Heads, and I love the Talking Heads, and I need to check if I have done a long-song post on them yet. They have a few songs that deserve to be a half hour or more. Nice little ditties one could happily broom too.

In the meantime, look at that Mailchimp photo up there at the top. LOOK AT IT! (Just kidding. I’m calm now.) And now, help me, what is the super-helpful holiday sale thing I am missing in that photo? Is it that somebody should send David Byrne one of Devil’s Party Press’ books? OMG! Who knows David Byrne? Send him a book!!! One of our books would look great on that table! WAIT! Is that our book on that table? Is that orange book Halloween Party 2019?

Did I mention that I teach part-time at a few colleges, so, basically, full-time hours and then some for not full-time money? And did I mention that in between teaching those classes and grading those classes and prepping those classes I hang out with my family and work on DPP and its books and that, on the weekends, my husband and I spend like 12 hours a day at the kitchen table working on DPP? So, you know, late, it’s late Saturday night, and I am punchy now. And crunchy. And getting maskne from being back in the classroom, dammit.

So, tell me the sales secret in that Mailchimp photo above. What do you see? Help me figure out the secret to taking DPP to the level where we have offices, with employees, and Roombas!

And someone! Send David Byrne a book! Maybe the one with the swear in the title or Oh! oh! the scary one!

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