And now my RNA is in a tizzy.

Well, you know, I wake up 15 minutes earlier than my alarm now. And I go to bed 15 minutes earlier too. I am right on schedule, but 15 minutes fast. I feel in a rush all day, but I’m definitely getting my steps in.

Dave is all double-vaxxed too, and he is 14.5 minutes fast. But, you know, he’s larger and slower.

Dave also burps two-less times per day, so I asked him, I said, “Dave, can you get 63 more of those vaccines?” He didn’t think it was funny. The extra quiet is nice, though.

I never did burp much to speak of, but I did always ask everybody if they were sure about things. “You’re not hungry? I can make you a sandwich. No? Are ya sure?” ‘Cause, how do they know?

“I can get you another glass of- No? Are you sure?”

I still think those things, but they don’t seem to make it to my mouth now. It’s like the vaccine put up an RNA dam in my mouth. It won’t let me express my doubt in others verbally anymore. And that is a violation of my constitutional freedom, but you have to weigh it all together.

Like at the frozen yogurt. You can’t weigh the jimmies separate from the banana slices and the nuts separate from the caramel. You got to dump it all in together or you’re just wasting their containers and not getting a true picture of the pure volume of things. You don’t have to weight the pretty lime-green spoon though, so that is something for free right there. I recycle them right into the coffee-spoon drawer.

It made my arm sore. I mean it hurt. You shoulda seen my hair because I couldn’t reach up right to fluff like I like to. I don’t have a lot of hair, so I have to fluff it, and I went, after both vaccines, about 5 days on low fluff on one side. I was worried people were gonna think I just rolled out of bed or something, half-fluffed as I was. It was, safe to say, it was flat, honestly.

But today I was in my local food store, and we have a lot of disappointed Trump voters shopping in that food store, and, well, as usual, they were all around me, masks crooked, or under their noses, or protecting their precious beards only, or they took it up, and left their mouths out to talk, and the better to catch covid with, like a lacrosse basket. And normally, as much as the last year is normal, normally, I would be thinking, Oh Lord Jesus save me from these stupid mother-fuckers. And I would be feeling pretty desperate as the Lord Jesus isn’t a real thing any more than a mask under your nose stops transmission of disease, so there’s that. And I, never a fan of lacrosse, would be wishing for my field hockey stick from high school to wack them all away from me with. I imagined myself in a rainbow-cape, for gay pride solidarity, and yelling, “The Social Distancing Avenger says back, evil-mouth-breathers! Away from that elderly woman perusing the grapefruit! Get back, you there, encroaching in the freaking checkout line, I see you!” But, today, I was double-vaxxed. And I thought, bring-it idiots.

And so you throw all that in the yogurt cup and you weigh it up and I guess, Dave and me, we come out ahead.


By the way, well, there are the other things, just little, tiny, wholly imperceptible, because of the RNA changing, as it is all an experiment, you know, and well, it’s nothing really, but just, my toes, the change there, I mean; they’re webbed now, you know, morning after the second vaxx, sore arm, webbed toes, me and Dave. But, hey, we sure as heck swim better. And we just noticed the webbing; well, we noticed it that day, how you not gonna notice you got webbed toes? But we forgot to include it when we was weighing it all up here, now, about whether or not being vaccinated is better, and saying “Double-vaxx forever!” We forgot to add it in to the full picture of our experience, the frozen yogurt cup I was weighing up for you. But you know, at the real frozen yogurt, it don’t matter if you miss one or two things. Like you weigh up and you pay and you say, all wistful like, “Oh, you got those pretzels. I didn’t see those.” And the guy usually goes,

“Oh yeah, we got those; those are good. No prob, lady, take some.”

And you do, because, you know, it’s free pretzels.

And so you get all vaxxed, and you got webbed feet after, and you forgot to tell anybody on your blog until after the distracting spoon photo. It’s an accident. It happens.

But, hey. it was an accidental omission, not mentioning the webbed toes, and now you can swim better too. Swimming improvement, and free pretzels. No one calls that stealing.

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